She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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