we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
