no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
