Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
