Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
