I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
