I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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