in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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