i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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