Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
