Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
