she looked like the bat from fern gully.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
