I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am available for nakedness
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
