just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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