id be glad to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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