There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
