i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your cock deserves a montage
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
