So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
