normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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