So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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