it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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