theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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