I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize