I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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