I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
