I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Vodka?
Forever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
