I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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