He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
