Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
