Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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