She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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