My liver just broke up with me...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
