Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
