Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Fuck appropriateness.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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