I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
