Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
