my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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