i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
