hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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