I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
