its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
