We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
