i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
