Me. At least after what I've been through.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
