goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
