If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
