That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then my night got REAL pukey
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
