her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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