perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
