All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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