Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
