I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
