Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
