can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
