i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
