he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
