Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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