I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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