Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
