If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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