There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
