we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
