Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
that is very illegal...i love you.
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