also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
