You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
