I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
