You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
