shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
