man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
