how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
