Sry I called you an 8
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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