I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
