Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
