Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
