Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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