just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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