where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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